It’s taken me a while.

To be fair the past year has more or less consisted of me… trying to make things go back to how they were before.

And then I came to the realization that, life doesn’t work that way. This realization came to me this morning and I was speechless. Had I really spent more than six months trying to be the person I was last year?

I spent yesterday and today re-organizing my thoughts. If you know me, you know by that I meant I tossed things around randomly until it was chaotic but semi-understandable.

The past two days have consisted of taking photos, writing and music. It’s been exactly what I needed it to be. I have a new blank canvas now, two, actually. And this time, I’m taking a different approach to this whole… what am i even doing with my life crisis. I’ve written 5 blog posts in the past two days, on a completely different blog I created yesterday and it’s become this intricate beautiful mess and it feels really good to not care about if my posts are the way they were a year ago.

xxxChips

 

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being creative regardless of boundaries

being creative regardless of boundaries

Inspired by: Abi

 

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I’ve recently come to the realisation that I’ve lost my muchness. Any Alice In Wonderland lovers will understand where that first sentence came from. Which is why I’m trying something new but also bringing back something old. I’m not sure how many of you saw my last post, you can find it here. But it felt a lot like me last year. It’s important to grow as a person but I’m not growing if I leave behind my roots. My creative side.

Since the start of this blog, I’ve planned less than a quarter of all the posts on here. And I love that. I love how I  sit down whilst watching Netflix, scoffing down popcorn, sprawled on the couch and then I write. Because I think a thought which makes think. About a lot of things and I end up with posts like this:

SO THIS HAPPENED…

Which make me really proud and happy. So I’m trying some new stuff, lol, I love how I’ll forget I said that in like two days and then remember like two years from now.

BUTTTT

I’m trying some new and not-so-new stuff and we’re going to see where it goes from there.

LOVE YOUUUS

xxxChips

Lol, when the only consistent thing in your life is your mood swings

 

 

a few thoughts on 2018 so far

a few thoughts on 2018 so far

Basically things I’ve thought this year:

  • well dayummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
  • how did i end up in this mess
  • well this has been fun….
  • no.no.no.no.no
  • arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
  • excuse me while i go eat cake
  • some people change everything in the best way
  • take me back to middle school asseblief tog(please)
  • lol
  • hecticccccc
  • singing is fun
  • i should probably read sometime soon
  • well i’ve officially given up on planners
  • i’m turnip goals, lol
  • this is why i can’t take you to nice places lol (a conversation with myself after dancing weirdly in my room)
  • anti-social social club peeps
  • snapchat is so much better when you just post whatever you want
  • you suck at saving
  • you should probably save that
  • i’m off to buy R500 worth of cake byeeeeee (lol this is a lie, we both know i haven’t had money in my bank account since 1452)
  • you should probably find a hobby
  • i should probably stop finishing my aunt’s wifi
  • how do i always end up losing my lip balm
  • you don’t go out much
  • why am i always so tense
  • you really and truly are incapable of curling your hair
  • eating ice cream for breakfast is important and beneficial
  • you can’t even cook an egg, that’s just sad
  • you can’t cook period
  • that last bullet point sounded wrong on so many levels
  • lol, you’re strange
  • who knew having 18GB of music might be a problem in the long run
  • speaking or runs when was the last time you did one of those
  • does running to the fridge count

Lets chat

xxxChips

tainted feelings…

tainted feelings…

I seem to have lost someone incredibly important to me. Have you seen her? I’ve ruined our friendship and I don’t think she’ll come back. I don’t think she should either. I always get these surges of underlying uncertainty but really my brain keeps shouting at me all the things I already know like “You do deserve her!” “You deserve to be happy” and I don’t know how to feel about that. I know for a fact a few months ago I would’ve been bawling my eyes out by now but now everything’s tainted. Nothing is what it is. It’s always… less.


It’s like my feelings have been diluted with something I can’t even begin to comprehend. It’s not that I don’t feel motivated, but I can’t say I’m full of energy at the moment either. I’m not sad, I’m not angry nor irritated I’m just…not, anything. My feelings are so detached from me at the moment. The only time I truly feel happiness is when I get emails from a best friend of mine.

I’m not sure if I should post this or not. Only because my moods change so quickly, thanks mood disorder I love you so much😒 That I could post this now and feel completely different 5 minutes later. Ugh. This is all so confusing!!!

On the bright side I’ve been writing more lately I’ve written a few poems and started attempting to write a short story, I’ve finished watching a comedy on Netflix (an attempt to brighten my mood. Ps it worked) and spent some time watching my favourite childhood movie: Alice In Wonderland!

Do you ever feel like you grew up too fast. Not as in, oh my gosh the years have gone by so fast, it feels like only yesterday that I was in grade 1. More like I’m 99.9% certain that I’m a 30 year old in a 13 year olds body.

I seriously can’t remember a time I didn’t feel older than people the same age as me. Maybe that’s why I find it easier to have conversations with people older than me. Truthfully I forget, that I’m younger than some of my friends our relationships seem so different to my relationships with my peers.

I’ve always felt older than I am. Have any of you experienced this?

xxxChips

i’ve come to the realisation that…

i’ve come to the realisation that…

This is something I’ve been thinking about for quite a while…

I’m not a typical blogger.

To be fair none of us are, lol.

I used to get so frustrated with myself because I wasn’t posting the type of things that got a lot of views aka. all the topics really popular bloggers were writing about. So like two weeks ago I sat down with myself and I said,

Also just a disclaimer: I call myself names a crap load of names, they are not words everyone would deem as ‘nice’ and it’s always been and always will be out of love for myself. Also I talk to myself and then lecture myself from other people’s POV’s and I can’t word things correctly at all lol, so I hope the next bit isn’t to confusing. Anyway… I sat down with myself and said,

“Listen hoe, you need to come to the realisation that you are never going to be like X, Y and Z. We both know you don’t care enough about fashion to be a fashion blogger and you can’t even put on mascara without poking your eye out so beauty blogging is out of the question. And will be for a very long time. You get so angry with yourself because you’re not ‘like’ them. Lol, bruv, have you met you you’re not like anyone, you’re like the cutest weirdo ever. There isn’t a single post on my blog that I regret posting, and I can proudly say that I am damn proud of every single post I’ve ever bloody written. You are never going to be like them. The truth is, I don’t want you to be. I want you to post about the randomest things that you feel like ranting about and use all the big words you’ve learnt and talk about things that I care about. But you’re a damn good writer, and a pretty awesome blogger too, and you’ve become friends with the some of the most incredible people on the planet. They know you.

The real you. And they accept you. For the weird, crazy, bubbly, loud-mouthed, strange, lover of big words and cheesecake of a person you are.

Best believe, that’s not changing for anyone.

xxxChips

REAL NEAT BLOG AWARD

REAL NEAT BLOG AWARD

Okay so first up: I was nominated by a beautiful potato who’s humor almost killed me so thank you because that literally made my day.

You can find her blog down below and it would make me so happy if you commented something meaningful on her latest post.

BEST BLOG EVER

1.YANNY OR LAUREL?

If any of you heard Laurel, I’m disappointed in you. Like how in de name of ice-cream does that sound anything like Laurel. I’m going to leave the links to some ear doctor’s down below coz y’all need help.

franchesca ramsey wow GIF by chescaleigh

Disclaimer:I’m kiddingggggggggg.Not really

2.WHAT’S THE CRAZIEST THING ONE OF YOUR TEACHER’S HAS DONE?

a) Forced us to dance on the tables and show off the cringiest dance moves we knew

b) Forced us to sing after a few of us lost things on tour. If you lost something you had to sing in front of the whole grade 7 class.This guy in my grade had a flashlight identical to mine and I freaked out coz I thought it was mine. Fun fact about me:My friend’s say I’m a good singer, I am sometimes but I lose every single bit of talent when I’m nervous so I flopped singing in front of my entire grade and class. Turns out the flashlight wasn’t mine and I had completely embarrassed myself

c) Called me Mrs… My crush was in my class and somehow the whole school knew I liked him and when my class rocked up to the teacher’s class she called me by his surname and I answered before my brain registered it.

3.WHAT’S A QUOTE YOU HATE AND WHY?

Most of you already know that I’m in love with quotes but the dumbest one in the entire universe has got to be “Well, life isn’t fair.” Like hello, do you think I would be in trouble and having to hear that pointless quote if it was fair. And I always get in trouble because of this quote because instead of me replying I do this:

tyra banks wtf GIF   tyra banks wtf GIF   tyra banks wtf GIF

4. WHAT’S THE DUMBEST WAY YOU’VE BEEN INJURED?

So, this is super embarrassing and totally cringey but, the dumbest way I’ve been injured is stretching. My friend and I were in the gym and she was stretching her leg and she pulled a muscle and I asked her what happened and she was like “All I did was…” and then me being me discarded the bit about her pulling a muscle from doing it and did it. I couldn’t walk for TWO DAYS!

Because I’m me I couldn’t just include one event so here’s the next dumb thing I’ve done. I ran into a wall.

NOW BEFORE YOU START JUDGING ME

i see you wteq GIF by chescaleigh

I was three years old and it was Christmas time. My cousins and I decided to play touches in the house. Naturally the adults told us we would get hurt but did we listen, I mean at first my cousins kinda did, but then I was like nahhh they being extra besides the point, we were running in the house. And I was being chased and I turned around to look at where my cousin was and I did something similar to the GIF down below.

tv land running GIF by YoungerTV

Except there was blood and a gigantic gash in my head and loads of tears, I still have the scar.

5.WHICH CELEBRITY DO YOU LOOK LIKE?

So I took a quiz…

Ariana

HOW IN DE NAME OF CHOCOLATE DO I LOOK LIKE ARIANA GRANDE!??

So because I was lied to by a website I took another quiz.

Can I please just say I look absolutely NOTHING like Emma Watson!!

So I took another quiz…

Image result for selena gomez

So the internet is a lie. *rolls eyes and slams door angrily* (She wanted Jessica Capshaw)

But it’s fine *sighs dramatically* I’ll just pretend I have the ability to sing *wipes fake tear away*.

6.WHAT IS ONE RIDICULOUS THING SOMEONE HAS TRICKED YOU INTO DOING OR BELIEVING?

So it was the last day of term last year and naturally my friends and I brought tons of unhealthy food to eat. So we were sitting down laughing, talking about boys, the usual. And my friend pulls out a packet of Oreos and she gives everyone except me and I whined and threw a hissy fit (I was joking) and I pretended to be upset and walk away. 10 seconds later I walk back to the group and get given an Oreo I devour it in one mouthful and then my friend does the meanest thing ever. She tells me she spat in the Oreo. I died inside. And my friends laughed at me like the wonderful savages they are.

7.ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 10 HOW’S YOUR DAY GOING SO FAR AND WHY?

My day’s been like a 3 so far because I’m tired af and I’m too lazy to make myself something to eat and I’m hungry. But it’s been kinda fun at the same time because I’ve been writing this lovely post about the cringiness that is my life.

Hope you enjoyed this post and if you haven’t checked out Bayyy’s Real Neat Blog Award. It’s worth it so go read it!

I nominate

Hannah 

Zovi

Grl Behind Screen

MY QUESTIONS

  • Chocolate flavoured poop or poop flavoured chocolate (I know I’m evil)?
  • What’s the funniest thing you’ve seen a kid do?
  • What’s the most useless product around today?
  • Would you rather have skin that changes colour based on your emotions or tattoos appear all over your body that depict what you did yesterday?
  • What’s something weird you recommend people do at least once?
  • What is something people are obsessed with but you don’t understand?

xxxChips

How rare and beautiful you are

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Skinny Bashing

SO IT WOULD MEAN THE WORLD TO ME IF YOU COULD TAKE SOME TIME OUT OF YOUR DAY TO READ THIS AMAZING POST! xx

THE DIARY OF ELLIE

“Twiggy”

“You need to eat more”

“Skinny prick”

“Oh my god I can fit my whole hand around your wrist”

“I feel like you’re gonna snap when I hug you”

“Anorexic” 

“Your outfit would look better with a padded bra”

“Guys like meat to hold on to”

“We’ll need to fatten you up”

“How do you find clothes that fit you?”

These are all real things that real people have said to people who are naturally quite thin. Imagine thinking that you had the right to comment on someone’s weight, whether you thought what you was saying was a compliment. Calling someone skinny is the exact same thing as calling someone fat but when that happens people either laugh along or get called a bully. However, when us smaller people are told our hips look amazing because they stick through our skin we’re meant to smile, say thanks and accept…

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