MENTAL HEALTH

So I’ve haven’t written about Mental Health much and I haven’t shared my story with you guys and that is something that will happen eventually and it is a mess of a story, but right now that’s not important. This post is not about my depression/anxiety/bipolar story, this post is about everything happening now, in the moment, in my maze of a mind.

So for those of you who don’t know I recently started boarding school, and we weren’t allowed our phones/laptops for the first few weeks of it so I apologise for my absence.

I hate it full stop

I don’t fit in. In the two brief weeks I’ve been there I’ve made some amazing friends and I’ve figured out who the fake ones are.The thing is… I’m not happy. I can’t focus in class, I don’t like the extra-murals, I don’t like the people(of course in saying this I mean some of the people, most, of the people).And the truth is, there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I feel trapped. So trapped that I’m going to see a doctor sometime within the next few weeks for an evaluation.

I  can’t even blog at boarding school, do you realise that? Blogging is what helps with my depression, my anxiety and still when I write about something as simple as whether or not I’m A Feminist  people (my family)start the conversation about whether or not the content on this blog is too ‘mature’ for me when these are things they have a) discussed with me and b) things I will share regardless. I started this blog for me. I started it and it gave me a  space where I could voice my opinion and hear the opinions of others, I haven’t received a single rude comment since I started and obviously not all bloggers are that lucky. But the truth is when I start writing about my mental health story people are going to judge me, regardless of whether or not the responses are positive or negative, I’m being judged. It makes sense that because I’m so young and there are pictures of me on this blog that people wouldn’t want me to write about a topic that could impact my future so ‘majorly’.

I am not a genius so I can’t say that I won’t regret writing about my mental health story 20 years from now, but I don’t think I will and writing about my story and sharing it with other people is something I need to do.For myself. And it is really, really important to me that people understand that what they are going through, isn’t something they are going through alone.

……………………………………………………………

DO NOT MISTAKE THE GLINT IN MY EYES FOR SPARKS. I AM THE WHOLE DAMN FIRE-C.R.L

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18 thoughts on “MENTAL HEALTH

  1. Chips! I swear I read this and almost cried!!! I hate the thought of you being unhappy…I want to just come and give you a huge cuddle, and tell you everything will be okay ❤️ you’re strong, and brave, and AMAZING…so please please please find a way to keep smiling.
    You can always reach out to me whenever you need…I’ll do anything I can to help. You are my special friend, and I love you ❤️❤️❤️ xxxxxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I actually cried while reading your comment❤️It means so much to me that I have you in my life,you’ve been there to support me since the beginning and til this very day you’re still supporting me and looking out for me and that really is the best thing I ever could have asked for.I love you so much❤️❤️❤️❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’ll always support you, and look out for you. I feel like you’re my little sister…it breaks my heart to think of you ever being unhappy. I honestly just want to give you the biggest hug! I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts. Love you special girl ❤️❤️❤️❤️

        And remember…a successful woman is one who can build a firm foundation out of the bricks that others have thrown at her ❤️🌈

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh angel I’m so sorry you feel this way, I wish there was something we could all do. You are so much stronger than this and you just need to push through, remember we are all here (and will be waiting) for you no matter what ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I understand exactly how you feel. What you feel about boarding school is just for a while. Eventually you’d feel better🖤🖤… I’d be pleased to tell you what my experience at boarding was like… Cheer up! 🙂🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I agree. I have pictures of me in the darkest parts of my mental health journey and have written extensively about dark emotions and experiences that are shocking to others. I have thought that 1) I will be and am being judged without a doubt and 2) will this affect my future, e.g: getting a job, a boyfriend, friends, if I have kids- is it an avenue to bully them for their ‘crazy mum.’ But at the end of the day I don’t care! This is my journey, it happened, I’m recovering and it’s part of me. So people can take me and that comes along with it or they can walk away, I’ll continue to live my life as happily as I can! Writing helps me so incredibly much too so why stop for fear of something that hasn’t happened yet and may not even happen anyway! I’m proud of you, doing this is a brave thing to do, be proud of yourself ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my soul❤️❤️❤️Firstly,thank you so much for this comment and secondly you too should be EXTREMELY a proud of yourself for having the guts to write it because it’s scary sometimes. Congratulations on your recovery and have the most amazing day because I can’t tell you enough how much this comment came at the right time❤️Bucketloads of love for you❤️

      Liked by 1 person

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