I’m back. I think.

I’m back. I think.

Heyy everyone

So tomorrow, would have marked a month since I’d last posted anything. I’m truly sorry for not posting anything for so long but I really couldn’t bring myself to write anything except sad, moody poetry.

A month away from blogging felt like a lot longer than 30 days. And it gave me a lot of time to think, think about myself as an individual and the direction I want Seventeen Wishes to be going in. I didn’t come up with any solutions just a lot of new songs, poetry and mixed emotions.

So I decided to ask you. All of you. What you think, as well as what you like and don’t like about Seventeen Wishes. The things you would like to see more of and the things you don’t enjoy as much.

xxxChips

I don’t care what your mind says

You deserve to be happy

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FROM THE ROOTS UP 🌪

FROM THE ROOTS UP 🌪

Nebulous/adj.1.in the form of a cloud or haze;hazy. 2 (of a concept or idea) vague or ill-defined.3. Astronomy relating to a nebula or nebulae.

Derivatives :nebulosity,nebulously;nebulae


I want this blog to be raw.A space,that isn’t, filtered. And in saying this,I write this post for me.And I write it because for me blogging is the therapy 5 days out 7.

Everything feels weirdly spacey, like my brain’s turned into mush but my thoughts are swirling around my head;orbiting around this planet my psychologist is only beginning to understand.

It all feels so hazy. It’s like swimming in a pool with fog surrounding you,and you feel extremely disoriented and you’re trying to push through and get to the other side but it’s so extensive that you don’t even know which way you’re going and whether or not it’s the right way.

Several things have happened lately that I want to share with you. Firstly after years of me knowing it :I was diagnosed with depression and a severe mood lability.

Honestly I’m not even freaked out about it, at first I felt relieved,because let me tell you that there is no better feeling than knowing that what you are going through has a name and you’re not going insane.Because that’s literally what it felt like.The funny thing is that I figured this in grade 3;the depression part,not the other thing, and nobody believed me.And honestly I don’t know how a 9 year old figured it out but I did and I did tell someone but they were so condescending and skeptical about it,that I just didn’t talk about it with people. Maybe that has something to do with me having trust issues or the fact that I have trouble expressing myself if it’s not on WordPress,in my journal or in the note section of my phone,I forget where I was going with that-It’s been happening a lot lately.

And then the part that I had felt so certain about in the beginning:high school,my future and everything else that comes with that. All of it, mapped. All summed up in my head,with the most intricate of details;gone. That imperfect future;the one with flaws that was still every bit as magical with all the flaws;the one my mind weaved up and conjured into this living,breathing idea isn’t what I thought it would be like.

So for now the music takes me, takes me back to when things weren’t so fuzzy and messed up and my plans were still perfect.

I’ve also been messing up a lot lately,simple actions that even a 5 year old could perform well are beginning to seem like rocket science to me. I just feel like I’m in this big bubble and I’m floating and I’m here but my mind is just so scattered and so full of everything and nothing that it feels like my head is going to burst open and leave all my thoughts on the floor like confetti for everyone to see.

We reached 200 followers and there are people who I want to acknowledge and thank for that specifically but I’ve set the wrong mood and it wouldn’t make sense to do it now,so that post is coming. I hope it makes you smile,because all of you make me so happy and I’m ever so grateful for all of you

But for now, to quote The Perks of Being a Wallflower, I want you to know that I am both happy and sad. And I’m still trying to figure out how that could be.

xxxChips❤️❤️

MENTAL HEALTH

MENTAL HEALTH

So I’ve haven’t written about Mental Health much and I haven’t shared my story with you guys and that is something that will happen eventually and it is a mess of a story, but right now that’s not important. This post is not about my depression/anxiety/bipolar story, this post is about everything happening now, in the moment, in my maze of a mind.

So for those of you who don’t know I recently started boarding school, and we weren’t allowed our phones/laptops for the first few weeks of it so I apologise for my absence.

I hate it full stop

I don’t fit in. In the two brief weeks I’ve been there I’ve made some amazing friends and I’ve figured out who the fake ones are.The thing is… I’m not happy. I can’t focus in class, I don’t like the extra-murals, I don’t like the people(of course in saying this I mean some of the people, most, of the people).And the truth is, there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I feel trapped. So trapped that I’m going to see a doctor sometime within the next few weeks for an evaluation.

I  can’t even blog at boarding school, do you realise that? Blogging is what helps with my depression, my anxiety and still when I write about something as simple as whether or not I’m A Feminist  people (my family)start the conversation about whether or not the content on this blog is too ‘mature’ for me when these are things they have a) discussed with me and b) things I will share regardless. I started this blog for me. I started it and it gave me a  space where I could voice my opinion and hear the opinions of others, I haven’t received a single rude comment since I started and obviously not all bloggers are that lucky. But the truth is when I start writing about my mental health story people are going to judge me, regardless of whether or not the responses are positive or negative, I’m being judged. It makes sense that because I’m so young and there are pictures of me on this blog that people wouldn’t want me to write about a topic that could impact my future so ‘majorly’.

I am not a genius so I can’t say that I won’t regret writing about my mental health story 20 years from now, but I don’t think I will and writing about my story and sharing it with other people is something I need to do.For myself. And it is really, really important to me that people understand that what they are going through, isn’t something they are going through alone.

……………………………………………………………

DO NOT MISTAKE THE GLINT IN MY EYES FOR SPARKS. I AM THE WHOLE DAMN FIRE-C.R.L

FLASH || POETRY

FLASH || POETRY

I’ve been raving about sharing some of my poetry on this blog so I’m going to start with this one.

Flash

That’s what it what is was

A day a year a moment we shared

Heartbreak and falling in love

Anxiety, depression, late night confessions

But it had to change

It always does

We loved until there was no love

Meant to be that’s what I thought

-but

No

A thousand stars and planets

I close my eyes and wait

For something

To take me back to when I was happy and my biggest worry was my next post

But what hurt the most wasn’t the knife across my throat

It was the thought of you not loving me

But wait-

No

What we had was gone in a flash

C.R.L

Reflection

Reflection

Wow.This is it, I guess.In a few hours 2017 will officially be over.I did of a lot of things this year that were really gutsy and I honestly feel like I need to reflect on that because this was one of the best and worst years of my life.

HIGHLIGHTS

I asked my crush to go to the Spring Dance with me!

I watched a movie with him and we hung out for like the whole day!!!

I was a monitor!

I survived math!!!And NS!!I friggen got an 87% average in Afrikaans!!

I started a blog!

CLAIRE!!!!

I got a laptop!I got an iPhone!

I bought myself a camera!Also I solemnly promise to deliver ‘lit’ photos in all my posts next year

The Six!

CHEESCAKE!!!!! Cake is bae people,cake is bae.

I fell in love with Factorie

Came up with the stupid idea to do Youtube and announce it on my blog.

Started writing a book!

-Also if any of you like,write stories please please please hit me up on Twitter, because I would really love to hear some feedback on some of what I’ve written so far.And also I want a writing buddy!

My Twitter

I BOUGHT A CANDLE!! Okay I realise, how sad I’m starting to sound but I like candles and I never lit one until this year so I’m allowed to be happy

I went through this year with no regrets!

-I laughed about everything!I got a flipping 56 in a test and I laughed at myself and I moved the hell on and I’m hella proud of myself  for that!

Netflix

-My best friend in the whole entire world, we met this year.

 

There are many more things I could point out about this year. But before I go, I just want to say thank you to everyone who has ever taken the time to read one of my blog posts or like them or comment on them. Blogging has been my escape from stress and all the drama people like throwing my way, uhm, I just wanted to say that I love you all so much and you guys deserve the world so never settle for anything less than you deserve.yeah, I think that’s about it for now.

If you have any blog posts that you would like me to do, or do more of let me know.

Anyway, love you

xxxChips

Take the risk or lose the chance

How to Set, Plan and Slay Your Goals in 2018

How to Set, Plan and Slay Your Goals in 2018

So I’m gonna soldier talk you through this.That’s my way of saying “Find yourself a notebook badasses of the world I’m about to teach you everything you need to know about goal-setting, planning in the correct way to achieve your goals and how to FINALLY ACHIEVE whatever it is that you have your heart set on for the upcoming new year.”

So the best way to explain this is to add in all the goals I have for myself. Also before we start here are a few things you are going to need:

Tools

  • Pens
  • Highlighters(optional)
  • Paper//Notebook
  • Ruler

Step 1:Create Categories

So before we even start thinking about what we want to achieve we’re gonna make 4-5 main categories which our goals will fall under.

-SCHOOL

-CAREER

-HEALTH

-SELF DEVELOPMENT

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I find that pretty much all my goals fit into the four categories but if you want to add more, feel free. Make sure that you don’t have too many categories or it can get very stressful and overwhelming.

Step 2:Brainstorm

What are your goals? These can be about anything. Do you wanna go to gym everyday or smile more? This is the time for you to figure out what all the random goals you want to achieve are.

Write them all down, no matter how weird they may seem.

New friends           80% average                              Workout everyday          Smile more

         Six pack       Stress-free                Write book                                        Inspire people

Step 3:Organise them into categories

*Make sure that you only have 3 or four goals under each category*

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School

  • New friends
  • 80% average
  • No stress

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Health

  • Workout everyday
  • Stay fit
  • Six pack
  • Go to the gym once a week

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Self- Development

  • Laugh louder+more often
  • Be happy
  • Read more self-help books
  • Meditate

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Career

Blogging

  • Post twice a week
  • Inspire young girls to live life the way they want and encourage them to shatter all the glass ceilings they want.
  • Teach girls less about fitting into glass slippers and more about shattering glass ceilings-UNKOWN

  • Make blogger friends

YouTube

  • Start the damn thing hehe
  • Post once a week
  • Have fun
  • Inspire 13 year old girls going through ish and people of other ages obvi

Okay, so now that  you’ve created the goals you want to achieve, you need a step-by-step action plan in order to achieve them.

So what you’re gonna do is look at each category, let’s start with School.You’ll notice how the bullet points fit into one another.If I’m getting good grades and have friends then I would be stress free. Let’s say I am stressed though, being around friends is always a great way to relieve stress.

Now we’re gonna make a few little notes under each goal about what you need to do to achieve the goal.If you feel the need to go into more detail about what you need to do for this goal to become an actuality then I would use a page per goal.

~The notes under the goal will be about all the little things you need to do, be it changing habits, or making new ones.

EXAMPLE

School Goals-Plan

80% Average

—Take notes in class (so I keep up and don’t have to stress at the end of each term) Cough cough, now where have I heard the word stress before?Take note of the sarcasm.

—Pay attention in class

—Keep up-to-date on homework

New Friends

—Be friendly

—Don’t gossip

—Reach out to people you wanna be friends with

Stress-Free

—Meditate

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YAYY!!I’m so proud of you for even coming this far.The steps you’ve taken so far will have made sure the goals you’re setting are valid and things you really want for yourself; not just something you thought of in the spur of the moment.You’ve made it this far:You know exactly what it is that you want, you have a plan and an excellent post bursting full of any motivation you lack.You have all the tools you could possibly need, so what are you waiting for?

Before you leave I want to leave a few tips to help you stay ontrack with your goals.

  1. BE SPECIFIC ABOUT YOUR GOALS-what exactly do you want?how will you get there?
  2. TRY NOT TO INCLUDE TOO MANY NUMBERS-you are not a number.your happiness should not depend on a number
  3. SET REMINDERS ON YOUR PHONE ABOUT YOUR GOALS-the number of times I’ve forgotten about goals #the struggle
  4. REVIEW YOUR GOALS EVERY TWO WEEKS-this is to make sure you’re making progress with your goals regularly
  5. DON’T FEEL DOWN IF YOU DON’T ACHIEVE A GOAL-knowing that you worked hard to get there is all that matters

 

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What are your goals for 2018?What goals did you achieve this year?What keeps you ontrack with your goals?

~I WILL MAKE YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE LOVELY~

xxxChips